I peered down at Jennifer’s little face, observing her shy, unsure smile and her large, alert eyes. Our daughter finally arrived after years of waiting, trying, and hoping.
Richard looked almost radiant. Like he was attempting to commit every feature and emotion to memory, he couldn’t take his eyes off of her.
He muttered, “Look at her, Marla,” in an awed tone. “She’s just perfect.”
With a gentle grin, I put my hand on Jennifer’s shoulder. “She really is.”
To get here, we had to travel a great distance. It had involved lengthy conversations, doctor’s appointments, and an unending amount of adoption paperwork. I knew something when we eventually met Jennifer. Even though she was only four years old, silent, and small, she already felt like one of us.
After legally adopting Jen a few weeks ago, we thought it was time for a little family get-together. Richard grinned broadly as he lowered himself to her level. “Hi. Let’s go buy some ice cream, shall we? Do you want that?
Jennifer gave him a quick glance before turning to face me, seemingly anticipating my response. She offered the slightest nod and pressed herself closer to my side without immediately responding.
Richard laughed quietly, but there was a trace of apprehension in his voice. “All right, let’s have ice cream. We’ll turn it into a unique treat.
Jennifer remained by my side as we left. With occasional glances back and a hopeful smile, Richard took the lead. I saw him try to calm her down and get her to come out. However, Jennifer’s hold on my hand became slightly tighter each time he posed a question, and she kept looking back at me.
Richard approached the counter to place her order as soon as we arrived at the ice cream shop. “How about some chocolate? Or strawberry?” he inquired in a cheerful tone.
Her words was hardly more than a whisper as she glanced at him and then back to me. “Vanilla, please.”
After a brief moment of surprise, Richard grinned. “Vanilla it is.”
As we sat down, I saw that Jennifer hardly looked at him, even though she seemed happy to let him place his order. Rather, she ate in silence, remaining near me. I pondered whether it was all too much for her as she observed Richard with a wary fascination and remained silent.
Jennifer held on to my arm a bit longer than I had anticipated when I put her to bed later that night.
“Mommy?” she said in a tentative whisper.
“Yes, sweetie?”
Her eyes were wide and serious as she glanced away and then back up at me. “Don’t trust Daddy.”
My heart skipped a beat as I froze. I knelt next to her and brushed back her hair. “Why would you say that, honey?”
She shrugged, but a sad little grimace curled her lips downward. “He’s speaking strangely. As if he were concealing something.”
It was a time before I answered. I made an effort to speak softly. “Daddy adores you so much, Jennifer. His only goal is to make you feel comfortable. You are aware of that, aren’t you?
She simply cuddled up a bit more tightly under her blankets without replying. Holding her hand, I remained there, trying to figure out what was going on. Is she simply anxious? Perhaps she had a tougher time adjusting than I thought. However, a slight uneasiness began to creep in as I gazed at her petite, solemn face.
Richard was waiting outside the door when I eventually exited her room. With a hopeful expression, he inquired, “How’d she do?”
“She’s asleep,” I said quietly as I observed his face.
“That’s good.” He appeared relieved, but I saw a slight lurch in his smile. “I am aware that this is all new to her. For us all. However, I believe we’ll be alright. Do you not
I nodded, but the memory of Jennifer’s comments kept coming back to me.
Richard’s voice drifted in from the living room the following day as I stirred the pasta on the burner. His voice was low and tense when he spoke on the phone. His remarks drifted into the kitchen as I stopped and wiped my hands on a towel.
He said the words, “It’s been… harder than I expected,” in a voice that was hardly audible. “She’s… astute. Jennifer is paying more attention than I anticipated. She might tell Marla, which worries me.
As my mind raced to process what I had heard, I felt my heartbeat increase. Maybe Jennifer will inform me? Tell me what? I told myself there had to be a reason, so I attempted to push it away. But my heart continued to race as I listened.
“It’s just… so hard to keep things under wraps,” goes Richard. “I want to keep Marla in the dark. not before it’s prepared.”
I gripped the countertop as I froze. What should I not have discovered? What on earth was he hiding from me? After straining to hear, his voice became softer, and I was unable to understand the remainder of what he was saying. After a few seconds, he hung up and made his way to the kitchen.
With my thoughts racing, I returned my attention to the stove. Richard strolled in, looking happy, and I tried to act normal while stirring the noodles more forcefully than was necessary.
“Smells good in here,” he added, encircling me with his arms.
With my hands still on the spoon, I mustered a smile. “Thank you. Nearing completion. My own voice sounded weird, and as his words replayed in my mind, I felt my grin waver: I’m worried she might tell Marla. It’s difficult to keep secrets.
After we had tucked Jennifer in later that night, I was unable to contain myself any longer. I required clarification. Richard was looking through some papers in the living room
when I discovered him. I sat down across from him and placed my hands together in my lap.
“Richard,” I said, sounding more composed than I actually was, “I heard you on the phone earlier.”
He raised an eyebrow as he looked up, his face showing a mixture of astonishment and something else. “Oh?” he asked, obviously taken by surprise. “What did you hear?”
I paused, carefully selecting my words. “Jennifer might… tell me something,” you suggested. and that keeping things “under wraps” is difficult. My heart thumping, I looked into his eyes. “What are you hiding from me?”
He merely looked at me for a while, his expression a mix of bewilderment and concern. Then his face softened as comprehension came. Leaning forward, he reached for my hand after putting his papers aside.
He said, “Marla,” “I’m not keeping anything negative from you. I swear. His gentle, comforting hold on my hand didn’t make the knots in my gut go away.
“Then what is it?” I could hardly look him in the eyes as I whispered. “What don’t you want Jennifer to tell me?”
Richard inhaled deeply, a sheepish smile spreading across his face. “Well, I was planned a surprise for Jennifer’s birthday, and I didn’t want you to know. With the assistance of my brother. Squeezing my hand, he appeared a little ashamed. “I wanted it to be a big deal, a special first birthday with us.”
I blinked, initially failing to fully comprehend what he had said. “A surprise party?” With a slight release of the tension in my chest, I asked gently.
He gave a nod. “I wanted her to have the ideal experience. I wanted to let her know how much we value her. that she is now a member of our family.” He appeared somewhat relieved as he grinned. “I knew Jennifer might say something, and I was worried she’d ruin the surprise.”
I experienced a peculiar twinge of guilt along with a surge of relief. I had been imagining this—well, I had no idea what I had been imagining. I lowered my head and muttered, “Richard,” “I’m so sorry. I simply believed that something was amiss.
He brushed his thumb across my hand and laughed softly. “Hey, don’t worry. I understand. Both of us are merely attempting to adapt.
I nodded, attempting to shake off the doubts that had gripped me. “I think Jennifer’s just… protective,” I answered, attempting to clarify. “She is unsure of what to anticipate, and when she warned me not to put my trust in you… I suppose it simply affected me.
Richard nodded pensively. She’s a delicate child. She seems to be still figuring things out. He gave me a serious look as he gazed at me. “All we need to do is make sure she feels loved and safe. The three of us.
I felt a little better the following morning when I saw Richard carefully assist Jennifer in selecting her cereal for breakfast. Even though she hardly looked up, I could see the trust between them gradually growing as he patiently stared over at her.
With my hand on Jennifer’s shoulder, I approached and sat down at the table. A slight smile appeared on her face as she gazed up at me with serene eyes. She seemed to perceive the new calm between us, as though an unspoken concern had at last subsided
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